big families

I have 5 kids, and of all the things it comes with, the one that annoys me the most is the rude comments I get about the number of children I have. It's bad enough when the kids aren't there, but when they are it's so much worse (both in how many comments I get and how I have to control myself in my responses). One thing that has struck me since leaving the States is the number of comments I HAVEN'T gotten. It's been a great change.

It's not just the comments, but actions too. Even in Japan where big families are rare, I wasn't pushed to the side for having so many. It's been such a nice change. I get that there are a ton of little brats out there, and my kids have their days, but more often than not they're well behaved in public settings. I know that you've seen small families let their spoiled little brat run around between the tables in a restaurant, that doesn't mean my 5 will be 5 copies of that one kid. Quite the opposite. My kids know that their actions have consequences. The behavior of others' children also doesn't mean that the instant I walk in you need to walk away (I'm talking to you directly Mr Skycap at LAX). I tip well, and I don't go out without being prepared to thank those who take the time to do their jobs (again Mr Skycap)....go even the slightest bit beyond your job and it will totally be worth your while. 

Along this line, I've come up with a list of things NOT to say to a big family:

-You do know what causes this, right?

   If you say something like this, at least to me, be prepared for a smart and extremely off color remark (especially when my kids aren't in earshot). I can still speak like a sailor, and I will not hesitate to do it.

   I think what bothers me most about this comment is the implication that I should be doing all I can to prevent kids, and not having so many. I don't understand this at all under any format. If you are pro-life, then you should be celebrating life with me. If you are pro-choice, you should be celebrating my right to choose to  have more kids. Either way, I shouldn't hear this as a comment.

- You're _____ short of a _______ team

   "Oh crap! where did the last one go?" while I frantically look around is a popular response to this - thanks to our former sitter for that idea!

- Are all these yours? <while pointing back and forth between my husband and I>

 I get that we live in an age of "yours, mine, and ours", but, even if we did have kids from separate relationships and came together later they would still be ours (just in a much more complex format). My kids do all look alike and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out they're all very closely related. 

  It's really tempting to respond in a really uncomfortable way to this, by pointing to each of my kids one at a time and saying, "Well, this one is ours, that next one is his, the one after that is ours again, that one, well, we're not exactly sure who the father is....."

I'm sure there are others, but these ones definitely get to me the most, and from talking to the other parents of many, them as well.